Mysteries

Written by William Cowper, an 18th century American who struggled most of his life with major depression, doubts and fears.

God Moves in Mysterious Ways

God moves in a mysterious way,
His wonders to perform;
He plants his footsteps in the sea,
And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill,
He treasures up his bright designs,
And works his sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,
The clouds ye so much dread
are big with mercy, and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust him for his grace;
Behind a frowning providence,
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err,
And scan his work in vain;
God is his own interpreter,
And he will make it plain.

Predictable buffalos

Saturday night I was downtown with some friends/new people that I had never met before. A few of the people in the group were from out of town, and so we decided to walk around our downtown area showing the "scenic" views of downtown. One of the greatest features of our downtown is not the skyline, or the beautiful riverwalk, or even the beautiful Bricktown area, but rather these lovely metal/tin statues of buffalos that are liberally "sprinkled" around the area. Yes, welcome to Oklahoma. We have tin buffalos in our capital city.

Anyways, one of the visiting girls sees one of those tin buffalos, and she goes running up to it and is playing around and posing for a picture. Suddenly, we hear this deep voice coming through loudspeakers, and he just says one line "That's very predictable."
We all burst out laughing when we realized he is referring to this girl posing with the buffalo, and even funnier was when we realized who was talking to us. It was a cop! He was sitting in his squad car off to the side and we hadn’t noticed him, but I guess he had been watching people take pictures with that buffalo all night and was getting pretty bored with it all.

We decided we better move on rather quickly since the cop was obviously watching our every move, but we laughed at the absurdity of it for quite a while.

Disappointed hope

My friend said it best... 'It's not so much that I'm disappointed in the situation as much as I am disappointed in the hope of there being that situation.'

For anyone who has ever wanted something to occur, or waited for a possibility to become reality, or stayed up late anticipating what might happen when you wake up the next morning, then you know, that perhaps what hurts worse than the loss of that reality or actual event is the loss of the dream. When you no longer have a reason to think ahead and smile, when you no longer have a reason to impatiently wait for that special possibility- that just might become reality, or when you realize that no matter how special that hope was, it was in fact a false hope, that is when the pain hurts most deeply.

So much, if not all, of our lives revolve around hope. We hope for good days at work, or at least a better day tomorrow than there was today, we expect (hope) for fun-filled weekends, we anticipate our life goals being accomplished, we hope for dreams to be fulfilled.

What do we do when those hopes return empty? When possibilities can't become reality and expectations become disappointments?

I know at this point I should start quoting verses about my eternal hope in the Lord, which, I do believe with all my heart. But sometimes, rather than needing words of affirmation, I think I just need solace through silence. For in the silence, I know He understands. He cries. He listens. He waits.

And ultimately, one day He will move- eventually renewing my hopes and granting me new dreams.
But for right now...........
He just sits with me and lets me mourn the disappointing loss of a dream.

the hall dance

There is one dance that everyone, red, yellow, black, and white have all danced, regardless of style - ghetto, graceful, or 2 left feet. It begins when you are headed to a meeting, class, or simply to the room 15 feet away. You enter a long narrow hallway only to see, that coming down the opposite end of the hall is a colleague, fellow student, superior, or complete stranger. This dance is no respector of persons. As you approach each other, initially there is the quick glancing that takes place, you know the kind. It's when you're too far away for it to be obvious that you're looking them up and down, but you're not close enough to look away. If it's an attractive stranger, then the glancing turns to an appreciative/flirting gaze. The steps quicken. If it's a boss or creepy weirdo, then the gaze quickly goes to the wall, the ceiling, the paintings, or the tiled floor, anywhere but straight ahead, and the quickened steps are for an entirely different reason.
You're drawing closer.
Then comes the game of chicken. You're both walking down the middle of the hall, wondering who is going to be the first to give in and slide towards the wall. The person with the louder shoes usually wins this one. Girls in stilettos going down a tiled hallway seem to just own the hall. Guys and girls wearing flats slink out of their path.
You're passing each other.
Both glance towards each other out of etiquette (unless you have the attractive stranger or the creepy weirdo situation), but then, as soon as you make eye contact, you break it. One must always remember the golden rule of eye contact- never more than 1.8 seconds in a narrow hall!
Whew. You're done. Both parties are safely out of the hallway- done with the most awkward stretch of 20 feet in the entire office.

Matchmaking at its finest

The CEO of the company I work at is a very interesting and unique 70 year old man, who has more money than I would know what to do with. Case in point: he just bought a 2009 Jaguar. Just cause he can. Can we say jealous??
Anyways, he's only at the office about four months a year- basically during football season. He is a huge fan of our college team, and holds season tickets. Outside of football season, he is usually at one of his two lake homes.
This past week he was in one of my co-worker's office and evidently my name came up in the conversation. The conversation went something like this:
CEO: Does Holly have a boyfriend?
CO-W: No, she's single right now.
CEO: Well, why on earth not?
CO-W: I don't think she's met anyone she's very interested in.
CEO: That's a crying shame. She's cute as can be and has a great personality. She should have a boyriend.
CO-W: I wish I knew someone to hook her up with, but I don't.
CEO: Well, is she bringing a date to the wedding?
**SIDENOTE**: the wedding was the wedding of another co-worker that was taking place that Saturday evening
CO-W: No, I think she's going to come by herself.
CEO: Well, if she shows up alone, then I'm going to hook her up with someone!

The CEO then proceeded to march out of my co-worker's office, and she proceeded to come straight to mine laughing hysterically at the prospect of this 70 year old man hooking me up.

I found it quite humorous myself but realized this might prove to be a great source of embarrassment. When the CEO drinks enough, which he does quite regularly, I could totally see him grabbing the mic at the reception and asking if any singles guys in the room would be my date for the night. He has no inhibition or shame! I said this to my co-worker and she laughed even harder and said, "You're right, he would totally do that!!"
I grimaced. Oh the joys of fighting of unwanted dating help.

The next day brought a situation that I never would have dreamed I would be in, that of turning down a "date" with a 70 year old, married, multi-millionaire. Yes, it's true. The situation... how should I put this? ... "heated up."

The CEO was back in my co-worker's office talking about the wedding.
CO-W: Is your wife going to be to make it to the wedding?
CEO: No, she's still at the lake house. She won't be back in time. I'll be going by myself.
CO-W: You should take Holly!! She's going by herself.
CEO: Nah, she wouldn't want to go with an old guy like me.
CO-W: Well, she might not want to go with you, but I bet she would love to ride in that car of yours!
CEO: Nah, I'll be drinking, it probably wouldn't be a good idea.

At this point, my co-worker came in and told me what she had suggested to our CEO and I could have killed her.
"Allie how could you suggest that to him! I'm going to kill you if he actually asks me!" She just laughed without mercy. Neither one of us actually thought anything would come of it however.

An hour later, in walks the CEO.
CEO: Do you want me to pick you up for the wedding on Saturday?
ME: After almost choking on my own saliva for swallowing suddenly proved very difficult...
"Oh, well thank you so much for the offer, but I'm not sure that I'll be able to stay very long at the reception, so I probably should just drive myself."
CEO: Okay.
He then turned and walked out the door.

I contemplated the fact that I just told the 70 year old, multi-millionaire, married CEO of the company, where his word is law, "No." Not many have done that and survived.
I hope I still have a job tomorrow.

The forbidden word.

Desire.
When a Christian single uses that word, it usually brings a "tsk tsk" and gentle, yet biting rebuke. Example: If a Christian single woman says, I desire to be in a relationship/marriage. What is the response? We've all heard or said it. It goes something like this: "Now Laura, you just have to be content in God. He'll provide a man in your life when you finally stop looking for one."
I am finally proclaiming how much I disagree with, and usually, detest that second sentence. Desire does not automatically equal lack of contentment. That line of reasoning basically states that when we as Christians desire something, God will only grant it to us when we stop desiring it. Then that means if we become unemployed, we should never look for a job. If we try but can't have a child after marriage, we should never look into adoption. If we desire an 'A' in class, we must learn to be content with a 'D'. If we feel God is calling us to a ministry, we should never search one out. By this line of reasoning, God always drops everything we desire directly into our laps, but only when we have reached the proper level of contentment in a vague "content" measuring thermometer.

I have known many girls who sincerely desired a relationship and in fact were looking for that special man, found him, and are now married to him. Does that mean they were not following God's true plan for relationships because they were looking for one? Or were they just at a better level of contentment and so God 'rewarded' them with a relationship? I don't think I'm the only one who sees the lack of Biblical truths to support that reasoning.
I am not saying that singles do not need to be content first and foremost in the Lord. I do believe that lack of contentment in God is the reason at times for singleness - God is teaching contentment outside of the opposite sex. It is an extremely important lesson to learn, because I realize that a spouse will not bring true contentment in this life, only the Lord can fill that role.
However, I also believe that God does not ask us to totally abandon all of our desires (the godly desires) in the name of "contentment." My sister said it like this: "God does not necessarily ask us to give up our desires, but rather to realize that He is worth more than those desires." It doesn't have to just be about desiring a relationship (the desire for a godly marriage is usually a good thing!); it might be desiring a child, a job, a ministry opportunity, a move closer to family - it could be any good desire that has not come to fruition in our lives. What we must come to understand is that whatever prayers we have, God answers based on what is best for His glory and our sanctification, both of which ultimately mean our best interest. God saying "wait" or "no" is not necessarily a judgemental statement, punishing us for lack of contentment or faith. Instead, He is saying "Yes" to a situation that will make us more like Him, or He is having us wait for a situation that will bring us more joy than what we originally asked for. We must keep in mind that every desire that He says "No" or "Wait," He is saying "Yes!" to something far greater.
Hannah desired to have a child for years, and finally God granted her prayer. He was not waiting until she no longer desired a child, He was waiting for the perfect time to grant her request. He said "No" for years so that when He did say "Yes," Israel would have one of the greatest prophets who ever lived during one of the most important periods of their history - the transition to the reign of human kings.

So, next time a Christian tells you that you need to learn the true meaning of contentment before God will grant your desire, keep in mind the true reason for the wait. You might be waiting to marry the next Billy Graham or Beth Moore, or you might be waiting to give birth to a future President of America. God's "no's" always lead to far greater "Yes's!"

Envelopes, cover letters, and labels.

Every time I'm asked either of these two questions, I'm surprised. Thankfully, I'm not asked every day. Before telling you the question, allow me to give a little background info. At my job, one of my titles is "official mail - opener." Yay! Growing up, and even in college I loved getting mail; it was always a highlight when I got snail mail. Some times it was the brightest spot in my day when an unexpected card or package came. What a great reminder that someone cared! Post-college, I usually dread the mail, because suddenly the mail changed from cards with money to bills demanding money! Now mail makes me cringe even more because at least one hour of every week day is dedicated to opening,sorting, and dispursing the mail for my small company.
So, back to the surprising questions. What are they, you ask?
First: "Holly are you sure this letter came for me?" Second: "Holly, was there anything else in the envelope with this?"

The sarcastic side of me wants to answer the first one with : "No, actually someone else's name was on the envelope, but to have a little office fun, I decided to change everyone's mail!" and the second answer would be: "Yes, there was a huge stack of legal documents, but I was sure you wouldn't need or want to look at them, so I put them through the shredder."

Really? Do you think I am that I stupid? Do you think that I can't read or that I simply throw away all your mail? (Although I will admit some days it is very tempting.)
I do enjoy the look of confusion on their face when I confirm that they did indeed get their correct mail and, not only that, but all of their correct mail. During those times, I just shake my head, and think, "If you only knew how ridiculous that question is."

One day after being asked that question, I was particularly annoyed by the seeming lack of confidence in my ability to open mail. I was having a little vent session with God.
Lord, can I not have a little respect around here? Do I need to post my GPA so people can get the hint that I'm not a complete idiot? It's bad enough that I'm having to be the mail-opener, but do they really have to question if I can read the addresses properly? Do they know how ridiculous the accusation is that I would intentionally not give them their letters or give them to the wrong person?

It was in the middle of this tirade, that the Lord reached down and clicked on that imaginary light bulb in my brain. My rant turned into:
Oh. I do that with you don't I? How many times have I read the Scripture and then said, "Lord, are you sure this is for me? Didn't you want to give this portion of the Bible to Susan to read tonight?" Or "God, aren't you forgetting some of my "mail"? You must have forgotten to give me the part about fulfilling all my dreams and giving me promotions, money, tons of friends, and a great ministry.

I can just see God shake His head, the way I shake mine when asked those questions, thinking "Does she know how ridiculous she sounds?".
"Yes, Holly, I gave you the right Letter. Yes, you are supposed to read those particular Words tonight. No, I didn't leave anything out. That's all of the message and those Promises are all you will ever need."

So, next time you open God's "mail" to us, don't think of who that passage is really meant for. Understand that He sends us exactly what we need, exactly when we need it, and maybe the excitement of opening the "mail" will return once again.

Mountain man to king

I've been thinking about the period in David's life when Saul was on the throne, but God had Samuel the prophet annoint David as the next king. David, however, had to wait years before actually becoming king. I think it's hard to wait from Christmas Eve to Christmast Day so I can open my presents, could you imagine having to wait for kingship? Perhaps waiting to be king would not have been as difficult if Saul was a great and wise king that David could learn immensely from. Quite the opposite. Saul had turned from the Lord, and in several instances, almost seems like he was losing his sanity. Then because of his jealousy of David's annointing, leadership, and courage, Saul decides it would be better just to kill David and begins a man-hunt that lasts years. During the years that David is forced into hiding because Saul is seeking to kill him, there are at least two different incidents when David could have taken Saul's life. Saul falls asleep a few feet away from where David is hiding. All of David's men are encouraging him to take Saul's life and be done with it. He could take his place as king and everyone would probably be the better for it. Yet, David says no. Oh, he gives Saul a scare and lets him know that he could have taken Saul's life, but both times he refuses to lay a harmful finger on Saul. He proclaims that Saul is God's annointed and therefore to mess with Saul would be to mess with the Lord.

That leads me to this question,how could David resist the opportunity to kill Saul and finally take his place as king? Given the chance twice, David still said no. Why would he say no to this "shortcut" to kinghsip? Why wait for something when God had already told him he would be king?

I think the key to his restraint was that those years of hardship and trials created such a loving relationship between David and God, that even though he knew he would be king, he trusted God implicitly and refused to speed up God's timing. He was content in his present circumstances trusting God for his future circumstances. Even though he knew the end result was he would become king, he refused to do anything without the Lord's approval. It seems as though when God gives someone a calling on their life, many times his next step is to give them a hardship. In David's case, I believe it was those years that made him into a "man after God's heart." David relied on the Lord for everything from food and shelter, to his very life. Time after time, God strips everything away so that God is the only thing that person has left. Then, that person is ready to be used of God because God is the only thing in their life.
How many times do I feel as though I know the calling God has put on my life, the end result if you will, and so I become impatient, wanting that "kingship" position before God wants me to have it. I am moving ahead of God and have not cemented that foundational relationship with Him that is vital to survive. So, first, like David, I must learn to trust the Lord and love Him so much so that I am content in the job that seems meaningless, or the church that doesn't have a certain ministry, or the lack of a relationship, or the disease that can't be beaten. If we do not learn to be content with God where God has us, why should He ever move us? We will always seek something "greater" until we find God to be the greatest thing we can ever know. That was the key to David's relationship with Christ and without those years of being in the wilderness, perhaps, David never would have been the king that left such a legacy and example. So, when given the sudden opportunity to take a shortcut to your dream position, or even your God given calling, keep in mind, the mountainous road, is often the best.

The single life. NYC vs. Siberia.

Ah, the single life. In the world today, it's viewed as the glamorous time in your life where you haven't a care in the world... why? because you have a different date by your side every single night of the week, or you are living with your boyfriend until you get sick of each other or a better model comes along. Big cities with lots of singles which make it easy to hook up seems like the perfect life. What an interesting paradox, that singleness is so often viewed as glamorous because of the relationship you are currently in.
On the opposite side of the spectrem, there is the Christian view of singlness that causes most Christians to shudder. So often a Christian young adult associates being single as never marrying and moving to Siberia living out your days in a hut with no plumbing, sharing Jesus with everyone and animal you meet. For some, it's a dream life. For most, it's a nightmare. A godly marriage is often what every young Christian girl dreams of. Very few girls will honestly say they want to be single until they are 30; marriage is what's anticipated more than singleness.
Isn't it interesting how the world glamorizes the life of the single, and the Christians often shudder at it? In this case, I think both sides have it wrong. Paul said that both marriage and singleness are blessings for different reasons. Marriage is a blessing because it was ordained by the Lord as an example of His love and covenant with His people. Singleness is a blessing because it allows you to focus all your efforts, thoughts, love, passion, and time on the Lord.
We, as singles, are able to be focused on the single thing that matters most - not just on this earth but for all eternity. So, what does Satan do? In the world he makes the single life glamorous because he knows that he can use a single person in extraordinary ways, and yet to the Christian singles, Satan persuades us that true godly living and fulfillment comes with a family or involves the single being banished to Siberia. Paul was right in that the single has time and abilities to contribute that a married person doesn't, so the devil wants those that are unsaved to be single in order to contribute to his cause! His kingdom! His evil ways. The best group to share truth with the unsaved singles are saved singles, and so the devil convinves Christian singles, girls especially, that they need to sit and wait for Mr. Right before jumping into active ministry. I do not mean to imply that married couples can not have a great ministry and that ministry only happens when one is single. I'll freely admit that I can't wait to get married, but I don't want to waste another day of not serving the Lord because I don't have a significant other by my side. God has called me to share His love, He has called me to spread the Truth, He has called me to confront evil in this world. He will ask me, and not my husband, why I did not serve Him with my whole being while I was single and/or married, and that is a question, that I, quite frankly, do not want to answer.
So, to all the Christian singles out there, let's take a little bit of a lesson from the world, but only in realizing that singleness is a great time of our lives. Not for the same reasons they portray, but rather for the opportunity to pour our love and passion on the Lord and His work.

Never upon a time...

"God will not use you greatly until He has hurt you deeply."
(Dr. Jerry Falwell) When I first heard this, I was a little shocked and didn't know whether to agree or disagree. I now feel as though I am finally beginning to understand the beginning of this concept. I realize that I have not had absolutely horrible life experiences nor do I want to go through gut-wrenching heartache; what I will say, however, is that the heartache I have experienced has impassioned me for spreading the Lord's message far greater than if I had never heard it. Who is more excited about a steak dinner - the man who eats bread and cheese every day or the man who eats a steak every day? Obviously the man who never gets the steak is more excited and passionate than the man who eats it daily. I've found that the times in my own life that are hard and filled with questions and heartache are quite often, the times that ultimately allow me grow closest to God. As I grow closer to Him, I can't help but become deeply moved by His heart, and I desire to do what He wants done and help those that He points to. God then allows me to share with others and identify with their pain, so much like my own. I'm discovering that life is not a fairy tale. You don't always land the dream job and make the perfect salary and fall in love with the beautiful prince or princess according to our original ideas. Christ Himself said that we will face trials and tough times - in other words, don't expect the fairy tale!! Instead expect the icebergs.
I don't mean to imply that God is out to destroy our dreams and make life miserable. What I'm finding is that, as I fall in love with my Savior, I become more like Him, and I desire to please Him. This might mean my desires change and my idea of the perfect life radically shifts. If, then, our dreams do not come true as we first envisioned, we will be okay. We learn to rest in the faithfulness of the Lord and will realize, as I have recently, that the desires I had before the hard times have changed. God has put a deeper and greater stirring in my heart for a dream that I would have not imagined on my own.
I find that it is the hardest times in life that I see God's heart, and after seeing God's heart, God is able to truly use me. Why? Because I can not encounter God in that way and then turn and walk away. Instead, the desire to be used by God becomes my greatest desire, and that my friend, is when God gives me the desires of my heart.

Price tags.

How much money would it cost for you to take a life? A million or two? A billion? Maybe only a few hundred thousand? What about a trillion dollars? Would that be enough to convince you? For one life? Would you kill someone? How about a couple hundred dollars? I hope most people would not be willing to take a life for a stingy two hundred dollars. Seriously, face a lifetime of prison for 200 dollars? Yet, I feel like in the United States today, that’s what the going rate is. 200 dollars. Not 2 trillion. Or even 2 million. Two hundred. This is how I look at it. Our national debt is around 9.2 trillion. The number of abortions since 1973 is around 48.5 million. I understand that these two figures normally have nothing to do with each other. The key word there is normally. This is election year, and I have met and talked with too many solid Christians who are basing their voting preference on the fiscal policy of the candidate rather than the moral convictions of the president. If we vote for a man because he might lessen the debt but do nothing about the number of unborn children murdered, then we are selling children’s lives for about $200 a kid.200 dollars! That’s all!! I spend that much on food in a month!

I think it’s tragic when we vote for people based on their economic, financial, or healthcare policy when there are issues like saving the lives of innocent children, or protecting the sanctity of marriage, or preserving the Christian freedoms this nation was founded on. If we had all the moral issues taken care of, then yes, the money, medicine, and education issues would take a new priority, but we are facing a moral crisis in this nation. Sadly, it’s not that there are not enough Christians to fight; instead, they are choosing to take the side of passivity when it concerns the moral issues in order to keep taxes low and save some money. As Edmund Burke once said, “Evil prevails when good men sit back and do nothing.” By voting for candidates based on finances or healthcare policy instead of actively fighting for life, marriage, and freedom, then we are sitting back and doing nothing. We are letting evil prevail.
This morning I heard a message about Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” I learned something new today. The pastor explained that in the Greek, there are two ways to translate “conformed.” The first is preventative. In essence saying “Don’t even go there, stop it before it can happen.” The second is after the fact, meaning “Stop being conformed. It’s been happening, now it’s time to stop.” The definition this passage uses is the second definition. Paul is telling Christians, Stop being conformed to the world!! The world has deceived you for far too long already! Stop it, be transformed! Change!
I think this is a message we need to hear. Stop believing that money is more important than morals! Stop believing that taxes and healthcare are more valuable than defining marriage as between man and woman or letting abortions continue in this country.
So, I ask once more. What’s your price tag for life? A couple hundred dollars? Who are you voting for? These questions are interlocked whether we would like to believe it or not.

“When you know to do good and do it not, to him it is sin.” James 4:17

Bathroom anyone?

So I recently had to go to a building that I had never been in before in order to meet someone whom I had never met. My excitement for this meeting was quickly overcome by the need to visit the bathroom. The problem was that I had just downed entirely way too much soda, and since this meeting could take a while, I thought it would be wise to use the restroom before the meeting. To my dismay, I realized that I could not locate a restroom. It was a 10 story building, and as I searched the ground floor, there was not a bathroom in sight. No problem, I thought, there will be one on the 5th floor, the floor that I was headed to.
So I get on and ride the very old elevator up to the fifth floor, and as soon as I exit the elevator, I sighed in relief. A bathroom!!! I march up to it, and turn the handle and push. I go nowhere. The door was locked. Great, just great. So, I wait. and wait. and wait some more. Finally, I look at my watch and realize I just have a few minutes until my meeting. I get back on the elevator and go down a floor because that would be quicker than waiting on whoever was using the 5th floor bathroom. I get to level 4 and turn the corner to discover that the bathroom is for the opposite gender. Okay, so they must be doing separate bathrooms on each level. I get back on the elevator and try to go down to level 3 to get to a bathroom I can use. The elevator door closes, and I push button for the 3rd level. Nothing happens. I push it again. The elevator stays where it is. I start to panic. You've got to be kidding. Now, not only do I have to go to the bathroom, but I am also in an elevator that won't move. At this point I was ready to scream. I start pushing other buttons, and thankfully one of them caused the elevator to start moving again. I was so thrilled I felt like kissing someone. Too bad no one guys were in the elevator with me. I come back to reality as a I glance at my watch and realize that my time was quickly running out. The elevator stops on the 2nd level. I dash onto the floor, turn the corner for the bathroom and see that the bathroom door is open with the light off. Oh good, I can finally use the bathroom, I walk in, grab the handle to pull the door shut behind me and realize.... it's the men's bathroom. Urinals were sitting there in all their glory. Totally mortified, I throw my hands up in the air and head back to the elevators. As I enter the elevator I start laughing as I think about the security guard who has watched me get on and off the elevator on every floor. I head back up to the level 5 where my meeting was, and with a minute to spare, I decide to try the bathroom door one more time. Still locked.

With a grimace and a prayer for a temporarily enlarged bladder, I headed for the meeting.

Child like.

So tonight I had the privilege of hearing a 2 and 1/2 year old say her prayers. It was short and simple.
"Jesus, help me find Jesus."


That was it, and yet, that one prayer sums up what most people attempt to do by themselves their entire lives. No person can reach God on his own. The sin barrier is too vast. It's impossible to accomplish, and yet most people will search their entire lives looking for the key to peace, heaven, and security.
Christians also fall into this. Why do we think that once we get saved we will be able to conquer the sin in our lives without the Lord's help? We try to conquer our spiritual life like the unsaved try to conquer their lives. It's foolish and impossible.


It was interesting because after she prayed, she didn't spend hours contemplating her next move or how she was going to accomplish anything. She got up and continued playing. She believed. She knew that Jesus was going to help her. That's all she needed to know to continue on. She didn't have to have proof or a step by step plan from God on how He was going to accomplish it.

No wonder Christ said to come as a child and to have child-like faith. This little girl was able to realize better than anyone that the only way to truly find the Lord is to ask Him and He will do just that...

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:13

Child like.

Nothingness: good or bad?

No one prepared me for this life post-college. The ups and downs- one minute believeing I can change the world, the next minute wondering when along the way I lost my mind. I knew there would be financial pressures. I knew there would be career pressures (well- assuming I have a job that is). I expected the 20 million questions about my non-married single status. What I didn't expect is that horrible and terrifying debate on the subject of "what to do with my life?" For many that question was settled in college. I thought I had answered it. I graduated with my B.S. degree and set out to change lives and thereby make my dent for Jesus in this world.

What happened instead?

I began to realize that before I could change others' lives, God must change my own. I had built safety nets for myself. God pulled them. Family, friends, finances, health. Gone. I realized with an awful eye-opening revelation how supreme God really is. I also became keenly thankful that God is a good God, and even our pain is for our best. My world was turning upside down. God was changing the game and I no longer had any tricks up my sleeve. The thing that was hardest to understand and was quite difficult to change was my life ambition. God tilted my idea of how I was to serve Him. Ever play 52 card pick up with a little brother or sister? It was as if my original life dreams scattered like a deck of cards into a random pile of chaos.

Someone once wrote that God will remove all security nets from those trying to serve Him. It's out of a person's nothingness that God is most glorified. Nothingness. I don't think there's anything I enjoy quite so fun as learning about the state of nothingness. (Yes, that was sarcasm you picked up in that previous statement.)

Yet, despite the frustration and mistakes, God has given me an end goal. It's a little fuzzy, but the general description is there. It's not going to be an easy road. Even tonight I faced doubt from well-meaning Christians, but God did not give me this burden and did not make me a soldier in this eternal battle to not follow it through. How I will reach this goal I have no idea. What my next step is, I haven't a clue. What will it take? That I think I can answer. It will require faith staring through the inconclusive evidence to the belief that God has indeed called me to this and will see me through.

Romans 4:18-22
18(Abraham)In hope he believed against hope, that he should become the father of many nations, as he had been told, "So shall your offspring be." 19 He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead (since he was about a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah’s womb. 20 No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, 21 fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised. 22 That is why his faith was "counted to him as righteousness."