Never upon a time...

"God will not use you greatly until He has hurt you deeply."
(Dr. Jerry Falwell) When I first heard this, I was a little shocked and didn't know whether to agree or disagree. I now feel as though I am finally beginning to understand the beginning of this concept. I realize that I have not had absolutely horrible life experiences nor do I want to go through gut-wrenching heartache; what I will say, however, is that the heartache I have experienced has impassioned me for spreading the Lord's message far greater than if I had never heard it. Who is more excited about a steak dinner - the man who eats bread and cheese every day or the man who eats a steak every day? Obviously the man who never gets the steak is more excited and passionate than the man who eats it daily. I've found that the times in my own life that are hard and filled with questions and heartache are quite often, the times that ultimately allow me grow closest to God. As I grow closer to Him, I can't help but become deeply moved by His heart, and I desire to do what He wants done and help those that He points to. God then allows me to share with others and identify with their pain, so much like my own. I'm discovering that life is not a fairy tale. You don't always land the dream job and make the perfect salary and fall in love with the beautiful prince or princess according to our original ideas. Christ Himself said that we will face trials and tough times - in other words, don't expect the fairy tale!! Instead expect the icebergs.
I don't mean to imply that God is out to destroy our dreams and make life miserable. What I'm finding is that, as I fall in love with my Savior, I become more like Him, and I desire to please Him. This might mean my desires change and my idea of the perfect life radically shifts. If, then, our dreams do not come true as we first envisioned, we will be okay. We learn to rest in the faithfulness of the Lord and will realize, as I have recently, that the desires I had before the hard times have changed. God has put a deeper and greater stirring in my heart for a dream that I would have not imagined on my own.
I find that it is the hardest times in life that I see God's heart, and after seeing God's heart, God is able to truly use me. Why? Because I can not encounter God in that way and then turn and walk away. Instead, the desire to be used by God becomes my greatest desire, and that my friend, is when God gives me the desires of my heart.

Price tags.

How much money would it cost for you to take a life? A million or two? A billion? Maybe only a few hundred thousand? What about a trillion dollars? Would that be enough to convince you? For one life? Would you kill someone? How about a couple hundred dollars? I hope most people would not be willing to take a life for a stingy two hundred dollars. Seriously, face a lifetime of prison for 200 dollars? Yet, I feel like in the United States today, that’s what the going rate is. 200 dollars. Not 2 trillion. Or even 2 million. Two hundred. This is how I look at it. Our national debt is around 9.2 trillion. The number of abortions since 1973 is around 48.5 million. I understand that these two figures normally have nothing to do with each other. The key word there is normally. This is election year, and I have met and talked with too many solid Christians who are basing their voting preference on the fiscal policy of the candidate rather than the moral convictions of the president. If we vote for a man because he might lessen the debt but do nothing about the number of unborn children murdered, then we are selling children’s lives for about $200 a kid.200 dollars! That’s all!! I spend that much on food in a month!

I think it’s tragic when we vote for people based on their economic, financial, or healthcare policy when there are issues like saving the lives of innocent children, or protecting the sanctity of marriage, or preserving the Christian freedoms this nation was founded on. If we had all the moral issues taken care of, then yes, the money, medicine, and education issues would take a new priority, but we are facing a moral crisis in this nation. Sadly, it’s not that there are not enough Christians to fight; instead, they are choosing to take the side of passivity when it concerns the moral issues in order to keep taxes low and save some money. As Edmund Burke once said, “Evil prevails when good men sit back and do nothing.” By voting for candidates based on finances or healthcare policy instead of actively fighting for life, marriage, and freedom, then we are sitting back and doing nothing. We are letting evil prevail.
This morning I heard a message about Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” I learned something new today. The pastor explained that in the Greek, there are two ways to translate “conformed.” The first is preventative. In essence saying “Don’t even go there, stop it before it can happen.” The second is after the fact, meaning “Stop being conformed. It’s been happening, now it’s time to stop.” The definition this passage uses is the second definition. Paul is telling Christians, Stop being conformed to the world!! The world has deceived you for far too long already! Stop it, be transformed! Change!
I think this is a message we need to hear. Stop believing that money is more important than morals! Stop believing that taxes and healthcare are more valuable than defining marriage as between man and woman or letting abortions continue in this country.
So, I ask once more. What’s your price tag for life? A couple hundred dollars? Who are you voting for? These questions are interlocked whether we would like to believe it or not.

“When you know to do good and do it not, to him it is sin.” James 4:17

Bathroom anyone?

So I recently had to go to a building that I had never been in before in order to meet someone whom I had never met. My excitement for this meeting was quickly overcome by the need to visit the bathroom. The problem was that I had just downed entirely way too much soda, and since this meeting could take a while, I thought it would be wise to use the restroom before the meeting. To my dismay, I realized that I could not locate a restroom. It was a 10 story building, and as I searched the ground floor, there was not a bathroom in sight. No problem, I thought, there will be one on the 5th floor, the floor that I was headed to.
So I get on and ride the very old elevator up to the fifth floor, and as soon as I exit the elevator, I sighed in relief. A bathroom!!! I march up to it, and turn the handle and push. I go nowhere. The door was locked. Great, just great. So, I wait. and wait. and wait some more. Finally, I look at my watch and realize I just have a few minutes until my meeting. I get back on the elevator and go down a floor because that would be quicker than waiting on whoever was using the 5th floor bathroom. I get to level 4 and turn the corner to discover that the bathroom is for the opposite gender. Okay, so they must be doing separate bathrooms on each level. I get back on the elevator and try to go down to level 3 to get to a bathroom I can use. The elevator door closes, and I push button for the 3rd level. Nothing happens. I push it again. The elevator stays where it is. I start to panic. You've got to be kidding. Now, not only do I have to go to the bathroom, but I am also in an elevator that won't move. At this point I was ready to scream. I start pushing other buttons, and thankfully one of them caused the elevator to start moving again. I was so thrilled I felt like kissing someone. Too bad no one guys were in the elevator with me. I come back to reality as a I glance at my watch and realize that my time was quickly running out. The elevator stops on the 2nd level. I dash onto the floor, turn the corner for the bathroom and see that the bathroom door is open with the light off. Oh good, I can finally use the bathroom, I walk in, grab the handle to pull the door shut behind me and realize.... it's the men's bathroom. Urinals were sitting there in all their glory. Totally mortified, I throw my hands up in the air and head back to the elevators. As I enter the elevator I start laughing as I think about the security guard who has watched me get on and off the elevator on every floor. I head back up to the level 5 where my meeting was, and with a minute to spare, I decide to try the bathroom door one more time. Still locked.

With a grimace and a prayer for a temporarily enlarged bladder, I headed for the meeting.

Child like.

So tonight I had the privilege of hearing a 2 and 1/2 year old say her prayers. It was short and simple.
"Jesus, help me find Jesus."


That was it, and yet, that one prayer sums up what most people attempt to do by themselves their entire lives. No person can reach God on his own. The sin barrier is too vast. It's impossible to accomplish, and yet most people will search their entire lives looking for the key to peace, heaven, and security.
Christians also fall into this. Why do we think that once we get saved we will be able to conquer the sin in our lives without the Lord's help? We try to conquer our spiritual life like the unsaved try to conquer their lives. It's foolish and impossible.


It was interesting because after she prayed, she didn't spend hours contemplating her next move or how she was going to accomplish anything. She got up and continued playing. She believed. She knew that Jesus was going to help her. That's all she needed to know to continue on. She didn't have to have proof or a step by step plan from God on how He was going to accomplish it.

No wonder Christ said to come as a child and to have child-like faith. This little girl was able to realize better than anyone that the only way to truly find the Lord is to ask Him and He will do just that...

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:13

Child like.

Nothingness: good or bad?

No one prepared me for this life post-college. The ups and downs- one minute believeing I can change the world, the next minute wondering when along the way I lost my mind. I knew there would be financial pressures. I knew there would be career pressures (well- assuming I have a job that is). I expected the 20 million questions about my non-married single status. What I didn't expect is that horrible and terrifying debate on the subject of "what to do with my life?" For many that question was settled in college. I thought I had answered it. I graduated with my B.S. degree and set out to change lives and thereby make my dent for Jesus in this world.

What happened instead?

I began to realize that before I could change others' lives, God must change my own. I had built safety nets for myself. God pulled them. Family, friends, finances, health. Gone. I realized with an awful eye-opening revelation how supreme God really is. I also became keenly thankful that God is a good God, and even our pain is for our best. My world was turning upside down. God was changing the game and I no longer had any tricks up my sleeve. The thing that was hardest to understand and was quite difficult to change was my life ambition. God tilted my idea of how I was to serve Him. Ever play 52 card pick up with a little brother or sister? It was as if my original life dreams scattered like a deck of cards into a random pile of chaos.

Someone once wrote that God will remove all security nets from those trying to serve Him. It's out of a person's nothingness that God is most glorified. Nothingness. I don't think there's anything I enjoy quite so fun as learning about the state of nothingness. (Yes, that was sarcasm you picked up in that previous statement.)

Yet, despite the frustration and mistakes, God has given me an end goal. It's a little fuzzy, but the general description is there. It's not going to be an easy road. Even tonight I faced doubt from well-meaning Christians, but God did not give me this burden and did not make me a soldier in this eternal battle to not follow it through. How I will reach this goal I have no idea. What my next step is, I haven't a clue. What will it take? That I think I can answer. It will require faith staring through the inconclusive evidence to the belief that God has indeed called me to this and will see me through.

Romans 4:18-22
18(Abraham)In hope he believed against hope, that he should become the father of many nations, as he had been told, "So shall your offspring be." 19 He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead (since he was about a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah’s womb. 20 No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, 21 fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised. 22 That is why his faith was "counted to him as righteousness."